On Saturday afternoon, my sister called me to tell me that my dad was in the hospital after having a heart attack. He was and is stable, possibly heading home later today, but in that moment all I knew were those two words: heart attack. And when you hear those two words over the phone, 500 miles away, your breath stops and so does your hearing, apparently. I had to ask my sister to go over all of the events of the day twice, because the first time nothing stuck.

I got off the phone and walked toward the office, but Robert was on the phone doing what he does best – caring about people and making me love him more and more. So I walked into our bedroom and just stopped, leaned my forehead against the wall, and prayed to my God that He would give me peace, help my dad, and have His will be done. And while I still needed to have my moment of crying on my husband’s shoulder, I was fine. I didn’t feel stressed and scared, because I knew God had me.

So why is this a case for prayer?

There have been times – years on end, really – where I’ve struggled with prayer. I don’t know why, because I believed in God and I wanted a relationship with Him, but I just couldn’t get it together and pray regularly. Instead, I would offer the occasional pre-sleep half prayer, and then sometimes before meals. When my guilt would resurface, I would pray that God help me and forgive me for not maintaining our relationship, but ultimately I would slide back into prayerlessness, until something bad happened. Then, God was my lifeline. I needed Him to help me through the breakup, death, health scare, etc. And while I know He was there for me during those times, I always had to spend at least a moment of that prayer telling Him I was sorry, feeling guilty for not coming to Him sooner or when things were going well.

But not Saturday.

Saturday, our line of communication was already open. Being home alone throughout the day has helped me so much in having open conversations with God throughout the day; stopping and praying for a Facebook friend or when I get a text. Stopping when my phone alert goes off and praying for Robert. Praising Him when good news comes along. And when bad news hits – like it did Saturday – I didn’t have to feel guilty for going to Him because I hadn’t in a while. I could go to Him openly, frantically, and know He was there. Already aware. Already used to my voice. Already calming me.

I haven’t always had that. During the years of struggling to pray regularly, I didn’t have this peace. But now, living a life constantly engaged in conversation with my Creator – I always feel at peace.  I trust Him, see His hand in my life, and don’t feel like I have to throw everything at Him all at once. I can instead focus my prayers – giving the time I need to each thing (like thanking Him, praising Him, petitioning on behalf of brothers and sisters, etc.).

If you want that, and don’t have that, there is a remedy. First, you need to be in a relationship with God. To do that, you submit to His commands and His will for your life. You can find more about that here. Next, though, you just have to start praying. Have open, honest conversations with God. He sees your heart already. But sometimes, until we’re honest with Him, we aren’t truly honest with ourselves. Praying regularly, honestly, will help you mold your heart into His image.

I’ve got a long way to go on this journey. Some days, when I’ve run ragged a don’t remember when I prayed, I feel like I’ve got a really long way to go. But then, days like Saturday happen. Days when I am so open before Him – when just speaking to Him gives me deep and resonating peace, that I understand why His ways are best. I understand why He wants me to do things His way. I hope that you’ll have that kind of relationship with Him, too. If you don’t, maybe we can help each other get there.