A little less than a year ago, I released a post called “beating bitterness“. It was a part of our Tough Stuff Tuesdays posts that focus on things we generally don’t focus on. That post in particular was hard for me; not the writing part, but the living part. Bitterness is something that has been an uphill battle for me most of my life, and as I’m finding, it’s a constant struggle.

We live in a world filled with imperfect human beings. Within the church, our relationships are with imperfect people. Within our families, our relationships are with imperfect people. Within our work places, schools, ball teams, and any other social setting we may find ourselves in, our relationships are with imperfect people. That leaves a lot of room for hurt, grudges, and bitterness; yet as God’s people, we cannot let those dark seeds take root in our hearts.

In today’s post, I want us to look at a case study for bitterness, and hopefully apply it to our lives. The person of interest today is Joseph, and I want to look at a few instances in his life where he could have been bitter, apply those same scenarios to our lives, then explore Joseph’s response.

1. His brothers threw him in a pit and sold him into slavery (Gen. 37:18-36).  Are there times in our lives when our siblings hurt us? If you grew up in a family and had brothers and/or sisters, you understand that tensions arise. Undoubtedly, there are times in our childhood where we remember one or more of our siblings doing something that genuinely hurt us, whether physically or emotionally. Is it easy to hold on to those grudges? Absolutely. Might Joseph have had the temptation to hold a serious grudge against his brothers, who kicked him out of his own family?! Absolutely. However, it isn’t just our physical family that can hurt us, is it? Our spiritual (church) family can inflict some deep, resonating wounds too. Are those wounds easily healed and overlooked?
2. He was falsely accused of sin and had to pay the consequences (Gen. 39). How many times have you been trying your best to do the right thing, and someone come and pull the rug out from under you? How many times have you publicly responded, only to be berated by the ones you’d confessed to? How many times have you done all within your power not to sin, and still been held responsible as if you did sin? Joseph knew a thing or two about being falsely accused. He endured the constant nagging and temptation from Potiphar’s wife day in and day out, yet continued to remain pure. Still, he was falsely accused, and had to pay the penalty as if he had sinned. Truly it would have been easy for Joseph to grow increasingly bitter throughout his time in prison, wondering why he’d chosen to do God’s will instead of fulfilling the lust of the flesh. Sometimes, when you suffer the consequences of sin even when you haven’t participated, it’s easy to be bitter.
3. His father never came to find him. We all know that Joseph’s brothers told Jacob that he was dead, but Joseph didn’t know that. For all he knew, Jacob simply didn’t come looking for him. Does our culture of broken homes understand anything about “daddy issues?” Do we understand the deep longing for a strong, loving father? Do we ache when our earthly fathers don’t treat us the way our Heavenly Father intended? Could Joseph not have suffered countless hours in the dark, damp prison cell, harboring hate and bitterness in the very depths of his soul? If you’ve ever felt abandonment from a parent, you understand the temptation.
4. His friends forsook him (Gen. 40:23). Joseph’s gift of dream interpretation makes itself known again while he’s in prison, and it seems he’s made a few friends. One of those friends is released from prison, and vows he’ll remember Joseph and his kindness on the outside, but for two full years he doesn’t. Imagine sitting in a prison cell for two full years, knowing your ‘friend’ had forgotten you. You’re already alone and without your family, and now your friends have left you as well. Perhaps you know all too well the feeling of being left high and dry by friends when you’re in a thicket of desperation. Is it easy to form a grudge? Is it easy to let bitterness spring up in those instances?

Finally, Joseph is put in a place of prominence. The Pharaoh makes him second in command, and Joseph has power and to spare. It is then, in a time of extreme prosperity in Joseph’s life, that his brothers return. Such is often the case in our lives, is it not? Those who have caused us such grief and pain rear their heads again when things seem to be going fine in our lives. It is in those moments when bitterness arises. Maybe we didn’t realize we’d been harboring these feelings. Maybe we didn’t realize how much we’d grown to resent those who’d caused us such despair. Yet when those people return, our gut lets us know. Immediately, that anger boils up within is, causing anxiety and mood swings and depression; causing an arrogance and an I’ll show them attitude.

We all know what bitterness feels like. We live in a world with too many imperfect people not to know what bitterness feels like. We’ve lived lives full of hurt and tears and tragedies. We understand how it feels when bitterness rears its ugly head. But now is the time when we need to look at Joseph’s response. Because Joseph, well, his life lent itself to bitterness. His situations were such that we’d understand if he held a grudge against his brothers and father. Yet this is what Joseph says in Gen. 50:20-21,

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

When Joseph came face to face with the people who had hurt him and caused him so much heartache and suffering, how did he respond? With bitterness? With hatred? By putting them in their places? By treating them with an eye for an eye mentality? Verse 21 tells us that he comforted them and spoke kindly for them, and verse 20 tells us why–because it was God’s plan for Joseph to go through those things. God used those situations to bring about good, even when those mistreating Joseph didn’t mean for any good to come from it.

If you’ve ever been truly wronged by someone, and truly hurt, you understand how hard it is to comfort those people and speak kindly to them. You understand that Joseph must have been doing something differently than we’re tempted to all along–because our temptation is to have a woe-is-me attitude and feel sorry for ourselves and our situations, thus making it easier to blame others and hate them for all they’ve caused us. Yet Joseph didn’t think of himself at all. All along, Joseph knew God was working in his life. He understood that God would take care of him, even when others sought to abuse and misuse him.

In your life (and mine!), we must quit looking at ourselves when problems come along. We must quit asking, “How could they do that to me?” and “What did I do to deserve that?”. Instead, we must tell ourselves that God and His providence will work in our lives. More good will come from the situation than bad, even if those who hurt us don’t intend for anything positive to ever come from it. And before you start thinking, well that may have happened to Joseph, but we live under a new law and a different time, read Romans 8:28:

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

If you are God’s child, He has a plan for your hurt. He has a plan for your grief. He has a plan for your sorrow. Don’t let yourself get bogged down and start following the path of bitterness. Instead, seek God and His counsel, and know as Joseph did that God will make it work together for good.