It’s been a while since I’ve sat behind the screen, mostly because it’s been a while since I’ve had two coherent thoughts back to back. On July 8th, I gave birth to the most precious baby girl and our lives have been completely turned upside down ever since. Hence the title of today’s post. Those words describe my life for the past three weeks: grace, humility, and sleep deprivation.
GRACE
Parenthood is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Nothing prepares you for such a life-changing moment. No amount of research, no conversation with those who are already parents, nothing prepared me for what was to come. That’s where the first word comes into the picture. Grace. Oh how much grace I’ve needed in the last few weeks. As I have begged my Father to be with me, help me, forgive me…I have pleaded over and over for grace. I’m already not doing everything right. I definitely don’t feel competent. Yet, I feel an overwhelming assurance that our God is so, so good. He is so faithful to His children, and I am grateful for His unending grace. I don’t deserve to be a mom. I’m not really good at it. But by God’s grace, He has given us a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and He has delivered me through difficult moments. He saw me through labor, helped me through the first three weeks, and promises to never leave me or forsake me throughout this journey called parenthood. I am so indebted to our amazing God for His bountiful grace. I need it every.single.day.
I have been reminded through the last few days and weeks of Jesus’ words to the apostle Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” I am definitely weak, but I am thankful for the strength I have in Christ.
HUMILITY
Before our little girl arrived on the scene, I felt pretty together. Now? I have never felt less together than I have in the last three weeks. I don’t know what I’m doing. That is not something that is easy or exciting to admit, but that’s where I am. Parenthood has given me a huge dose of (much-needed) humility. I don’t have this whole life thing figured out. I don’t have this whole Christ-likeness thing figured out. I don’t have wifery down. I don’t have myself down. I basically need a whole lot of work.
Fortunately, I am seeing firsthand the beauty of God’s call to humility. Realizing that you know nothing leads you to growth. Realizing that my whole life needs lots of work leads me to God. It makes me seek Him often in prayer. It makes me praise Him in song as I rock my baby to sleep. It makes me see less of self and more of Him, knowing that in myself are no answers and in Him are all things.
“…be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” When I take self out of the equation, I leave room for God’s grace. Maybe that’s because without humility, you don’t realize how much you need it. May I be forgiven for all of the moments I ever relied on self and not on grace.
SLEEP-DEPRIVATION
I have a newborn, so clearly I’m not getting as much sleep as I used to. For that reason, I am going to be doing a lot less in regards to things I used to do, at least for now. Less blogging. Less podcasting. Less, yet so much more. I will be learning to be a mom. It’s going to take a lot of grace, because it’s a steep learning curve, but thankfully our God doesn’t give us more than we’re able to handle. And, fortunately for me, He understands this season of life I’m in, and His grace is plentiful as I do my best to please Him in the little, everyday things like changing diapers and practicing patience.
No clue when I’ll be back behind the computer screen, but until then, I’ll be busy learning the lessons God is teaching me in this difficult, life-altering, crazy time I’m in. If you need me, you can message me and I’ll get back to you at approximately 2 a.m. =)
Vicky
July 26, 2016 at 8:15 pmGod bless you sister in this precious walk! You are everything He wants for Anna. He has a superb plan and you are made for her!
Grand Pam
July 26, 2016 at 9:05 pmYou are doing everything right for Anna. My favorite song I sang to my babies was “Just as I am”. That sweet baby does not know if you re doing it wrong so enjoy those moments. Love your sweet family. Your inourprayers.
April
July 27, 2016 at 6:52 amGrace, grace and more grace! Yes, that is what is most needed in the first few weeks and months after you have your first child. I don’t know how helpful this will be but I just wanted you to know that I once was exactly where you are right now, way back in ye olden days of 2010. LOL I had my first child in July of 2010 and I was completely unprepared to be a parent or mother. Now I have 2 kids that I manage to keep alive every day. Oh, and I also sleep a full night every night. But I didn’t sleep a full night for 2 or 3 years. So just know that one day your sweet and needy little girl will not need you during the night as much even though that day may seem very far off and like it will never come. It will come and you will appreciate it so much more than you ever appreciated a full night’s rest before. And you will know it is another gift that the Father gives us.
Having children has made me closer to my God and Father in heaven. It has shown me how much he must love me in how much I love my own child. I am sure the same is for you. I will be completely honest in that I never had a burning desire to have kids and didn’t do much research on taking care of a baby. So much was learned in those everyday moments of just doing the next thing that needs to be done for them. It took me the first 2 months to fall in love with my son. Sure, I loved him in that way that you do innately but I didn’t love him with all of my being until a little after he was born.
The best piece of advice I ever got and that still holds true for parenting even today is “this too shall pass.” Next year your days will look completely different than the ones you are in now. I know that’s basic knowledge but sometimes it helped me to repeat that to myself when I was having a particularly trying day.
God can and will give you what you need to take care of your baby girl because he did it for me and he continues to do it for me when I seek Him. “I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13