Usually, when your best friend gets married, your first reaction is sheer joy, and ok, mine was joy for a little bit. But when she told me that she was going to get married in July, my heart sunk. One of the problems of moving 500 miles (even if it’s 500 miles closer to her) is that you will undoubtedly miss something big. Sadly, her wedding is my moving casualty. Obviously I am very sad I can’t be there with her, but I am so thrilled that she gets to be married to the love of her life!
The good news is, she’s the most precious and understanding person in the entire world, so she doesn’t hate my guts at this point in time, for which I am thankful. However, since I can’t be close to her and help her during this exciting time in her life, I did want to offer her as much advice as my 3 years of marriage has taught me.
1: Embrace your struggles – Everyone usually says doom and gloom when you announce your engagement, like you don’t really know that person or it’s going to be so different — don’t believe them. Marriage is awesome! But, there will be things that test you. It could be financial struggles, family issues, job stress, etc. Instead of letting them get you down, embrace them. Use the hard times to make you cling to your new husband, allowing the test to help you in your new role of submission (Eph. 5:22-23).
2: Travel – Seeing as we became best friends in Europe, obviously we love travel. We also understand that it takes a lot to travel with someone! Use travel as a way to get closer to your hubby. Explore. Experience. Create magical memories as you visit new places and try new things.
3: Share everything – It’s crucial that you and your spouse keep no secrets (except maybe Christmas presents, which half the time I’m terrible about!). Hold nothing back: good, bad, ugly, embarrassing. Build up trust every day by sharing even the most insignificant of things. And be sure to always tell each other when a member of the opposite sex texts you/Facebook messages you. Nip any kind of temptation in the bud immediately. Understand that the two of you are now one (Mark 10:8) and don’t keep anything to yourselves!
4: Submit – Start working early by looking for ways to submit to your husband. Coming from having your own job and own life to being willingly under someone else is quite a change, but it’s wonderful when you are both working toward implementing God’s plan in your home (Eph. 5). Compromise. Say you’re sorry. Admit you’re wrong. Let things go. All of these things build great marriages.
5: Put on love – I love Colossians 3:12-14, and I love to apply it to the husband-wife relationship. Here, Paul said, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” You will be given opportunity after opportunity to hone these skills in your marriage. Sometimes marriage takes bearing with and forgiving and being longsuffering, and all the time it takes kindness and humility. Choose to mediate on these verses and remember that love is a choice, so choose always to actively show your spouse how much you love him.
6: Never say anything bad about him, ever, to anyone – Sometimes, women like to complain about things. A lot of the time, women like to complain about their husbands. Even in joking, seemingly ridiculous ways. Don’t. The Bible tells us to keep ourselves from hurtful speech (1 Tim. 5:13, James 3), and putting your husband down is hurtful. It’s definitely not a way to show respect, either. So just be careful. Don’t give in to the temptation when it seems every single woman around you participates in it. Your husband will appreciate it!
7: Don’t complain about anything – If there’s a problem in your marriage, work it out between the two of you. If there are financial things going south, don’t complain that you wish he made more, etc. Show that you respect him and are thankful for all of the things he does for you! Philippians 2:14 still says don’t complain, so just don’t. Not to a parent, not to a friend. Just love him, and always build your marriage up!
8: Don’t love him most – this is the most critical part of my advice. Jesus said that if we love anyone more than we love Him, we aren’t His disciples (Luke 14:26). Don’t love your husband more than you love God. It’s tempting, because loving your husband a lot is pretty easy to do! But whatever you do, don’t love him most. Don’t let him ever lead you astray. Always rely first and foremost on God, not your husband. Always keep in contact with your Father, and if you do, you’ll never have to worry about your marriage falling apart, because two people connected to the Source of all good things (James 1:17) will not have a crumbling marriage.
Well that’s all of my list, because mine and Robert’s anniversary is on the 8th, so a list of 8 seems appropriate for a marriage post! I do hope that my wonderful best friend Alyssa has the most magical wedding of life, but as we all know, the wedding is nothing. The marriage is everything. Prepare yourself now to be the kind of wife you need to be. And, I am SO happy for you and sad for me, but thankful you’ll get to experience such a remarkable thing!
