I have spent too much of my life curating an image I want people to see. As I’ve grown, I’ve tried to make that image that people see be Jesus. But, if I’m honest, the temptation is still there to carefully craft this image of me – to portray a me that I want to be but not a me that I necessarily am all the time.  But I’m learning about being vulnerable.  People want vulnerable, right? Ok, maybe not always, but I think if you want to truly connect to people you have to be willing to let your true self be seen. You may be laughing because true connection and the internet seem like opposites. It seems the temptation is to let the people in your actual life see one version and then the rest of the world see a different one. Social media sure has made making actual connections something difficult, at least if you’re like me and like to curate a picture perfect image of yourself.  It’s not that I’m trying to lie about who I am. I like to put my best self forward. I like to put out there the person I most desperately want to be. The only problem is, so many of you see podcaster or writer or whatever else, and you don’t see the disheveled mess that I am most days. You don’t see all the falling and all the grace I need. You don’t see the exact moment I wish I could take back the words I said or the thing I did.  I’ve spent too much time afraid that somehow this grace-needing person might be exposed. That someone I’ve wronged (many) or offended (even more) would come forward and expose the me I pray about all the time. Afraid that if everyone knew every sin I’ve ever committed that no one would respect me or like me or be friends with me or listen to me.   But the thing is, when we hide our faults and our humanness, we actually hide the power of Jesus and His grace and His saving blood. When we live lives that seem like we need no grace, we stop showing other people the One who is willing to give them that amazing grace, too. Not only that, but we might actually stop believing we need grace. We might start believing we’re somehow holy enough or that if we tick off enough “Christian boxes” then we might deserve God’s favor.  It isn’t about me or people liking or respecting me. It’s about letting Jesus be seen in me. It’s about living for Him and making Him my whole life (Gal. 2:20, Col. 3:4).  So let me tell you something: I don’t have it all together. Far from it, actually. I am broken, and I am constantly seeking for my God to put me together. I fail Him, a lot. I have said things to and about people that make me feel shame. I have done things that are shameful and sinful and condemned in Scripture. I did many of these things before I became a Christian; sadly, though, I have done many since. I regularly fail. I regularly miss the mark. I, daily, stand in need of allllll the grace.  If you’re one of those people I’ve ever hurt or offended, I’m sorry. If you have been negatively influenced by my words or choices or attitudes, I’m sorry. And if you’ve ever felt like I have it all together, I’m really, really sorry I was too busy showing you who I want to be instead of letting you see the God who holds me together.  It is only God who keeps me going. It is only God who turns this hot mess of existence into something useful. Only God. Always.