I use a lot of words.

Two podcasts a week, usually three blog posts which consist of somewhere between 500-700 words a piece, a 45 minute ladies class, at least three 45-minute lectures at the plantation where I’m a tour guide, and that doesn’t even include the 200 people I try to speak to each Sunday and Wednesday, or the 20,000 words women (on average) use per day.

Like I said, lots of words.

All of us are regular communicators, but it seems like I use a lot of words. I text people frequently. I’m emailing constantly. I’m starting up some kind of correspondence weekly trying to get guests on Wifey Wednesdays. I call my mom who’s 500 miles away at least twice a week. I am seemingly always using words. Something is always coming out of my mouth.

For that reason, you would think James 3 would be a favorite passage of mine. You would think I would meditate on it constantly, weighing all of my words carefully before letting them pass over my lips or before hitting publish/record. Unfortunately, though, that hasn’t been my focus. And that’s where today’s post comes in.

I don’t know who you are. Having a blog makes my words accessible to anyone, anywhere, and so a lot of the time, I don’t have any idea who is reading what I’m writing. I don’t know if we come in face to face contact at some point during the week. I don’t know if we text or email back and forth. I don’t know if we’ve got a Skype date set up, or if you don’t even know where I live. I can’t know if we’ve met, or if we’ll run into each other at PTP. I may never even know you read this. But I do know that I’m human, and that I’m far from perfect.

So whoever you are, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times my words have been careless or crass. Be it in a public setting, a private conversation, or just a tweet/blog post – I’m sorry if you’ve taken something I’ve said in a way I didn’t intend. I’m sorry when my sarcasm has seemed biting or my wit has been, well, not your cup of tea. I’m sorry when my mind has moved slower than my lips. I’m sorry when I’ve complained or been negative about a situation or person. I can honestly tell you that I’ve never meant to be rude and I’ve definitely never intended to be sinful. If you read my words regularly at all, you know I am striving to be the person Jesus wants me to be. I am a failure most days. I am human and I wrestle against Satan on a daily basis. But I am trying. If, though, in the midst of my trying, you have come across a strictly Emily word, and not a Jesus-imitating word, I am so very sorry. I am doing my best to keep my old self dead and buried (Rom. 6), but some days, she is a relentless creature and the battle isn’t easy.

I am seeking my Savior. I want to walk as He walked, love as He loved, and speak as He spoke. I want to imitate Him, and I am desperately trying to do so. I understand, though, that I am rough around the edges. I am a work in progress to be sure, and if you find me off-putting or unbearable at times, I completely understand. Just know that I want to be different. I am trying to be different. Thanks be to God He offers me forgiveness and cleansing and strength to overcome my adversary. I just pray that you, too, will forgive me if I’ve ever offended you or caused you to think less of my God or Jesus’ church. I want to be a light. I want to walk there and live there and practice righteousness there. Unfortunately, I live in a world of darkness, and the darkness likes to prey on the children of light.

So again, just forgive me. And help me. Message me or email me or call me when I have offended you. Please don’t leave things unresolved, with me or anyone else. I would never want you to resent me or think I meant something that I never did. I only want to go to heaven. I want to help you go to heaven. I want you to help me go there! So forgive me when I’m less like my Savior and more like my old master, the devil.

Here’s a passage I’m working on living. I pray it will bless you as you read it:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up,
as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
(Ephesians 4:29-5:1)