Let me throw this out from the beginning: I am not a parent. I know nothing more than what the Bible says about parenting. I haven’t experienced it. I don’t get it. But I’d like to think I’m not clueless, because, well, I have parents. And parents are huge influences on their children. Whether they are overly involved or absent, parents play a vital role in their child’s development, and so it only makes sense that the things you praise in your child’s life will be things that become important to your children.

I am friends with a lot of parents on Facebook. New parents, parents of teenagers, parents of grown, adult children. There’s a common theme among every age group, and that is a sense of parental pride. You praise your children and grandchildren. Whether it’s first steps or engagements, I see gushing posts day after day. What a beautiful, encouraging thing to witness. I love seeing families that love each other.

But along the same lines, I see parents that are praising all the wrong things. They are posting proud photos of their scantily clad teenage daughters. They are posting gushing statuses about their child’s homecoming dance or prom. They are  going on and on about the physical beauty of their children as they grow or get their braces off. And it really, really makes me sad.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

As parents – mentors – influences on children/teenagers, there are some standards that need to be upheld. Those standards need to come from our Father, not from the world that is trying to conform your child to its standards (Rom. 12:2). And some of those standards are found right there in Philippians. We need to show kids and teenagers alike that that the good things in life are not things at all. The praiseworthy parts of their lives are the inward characteristics: the parts of them that look like Jesus. It’s not about the latest and greatest gadget. It’s not about physical beauty. It’s not about popularity or rites of passage. It’s about looking like Jesus.

If your child looks like Jesus while parading around in skimpy clothing, go ahead and praise them for that. If your child looks like Jesus while dancing and conforming to their culture, praise them for that. But if not, don’t proudly post all over Facebook so that you can fit into your culture – looking just like every other worldly adult out there who is image obsessed. There is more to life than that. Life is about fulfilling God’s will, and we do that when we conform our spirits to His holy example.

I know, I’m not a parent. But as a 26 year old, I can vividly remember my teenager years. And the moments I thank my mom for the most are the ones where she said I couldn’t go out wearing a tank top or I couldn’t go out with this group of friends. It’s ok not to be your child’s best friend. It’s ok if they don’t like you all the time. God called you to be a parent – an authority figure. Your children will respect you for it later, and isn’t that more important?