A long time ago, I decided I wanted to write one post monthly about marriage, and most especially about my wonderful husband. I have pretty much failed in that category, because I haven’t written nearly enough about marriage, about Robert, and about our lives. Maybe it’s because there are some big, salvation issues that need to be discussed. Maybe it’s because there are some real, scary current events out there that need to be discussed. Or maybe, it’s because marriage is hard, and sometimes you just don’t want to talk about that.

Robert and I have had a pretty rocky marriage. Note that I did not say unhappy, because it’s always been far from that. It’s just been rocky. Bumpy. Unsteady. I’m sure most marriages are like that, too, because no one lives in fairytale land. The wedding industry would have you believe that you get this one, big, magical day that is the best day of your entire life, and from there you go on to an amazing honeymoon and return home and everything is perfect and exciting and happy and causes no problems ever. The end. But…

That’s not real. Are there people who have the happiest and best wedding days? Yes. Are there people who have wonderful honeymoons and come home and everything is literally perfect? Maybe. Is there anyone who has a perfect, stress free marriage? Absolutely not.

Real life marriage is hard. It’s not the glamorous movie fantasy world where everyone wakes up in full make up with fresh breath and a chipper attitude to start the day. It’s tough. It’s filled with heartbreak and insecurity and hurtful words and busy schedules and stress and anger and exhaustion. How do I know? Because I’ve been there. I’m a human. I’m sinful and hurtful and, shamefully, I take it out on my husband a lot of the time. But, it’s in those unsavory characteristics that a truly happy marriage shines. Yeah, I know. You should probably back up and reread that paragraph again, because while it may not seem like those two things go together, they actually do. Here’s how:

Take me (Emily) for example. Emily needs an attitude adjustment some days. She is highly emotional and dramatic some days. She could really just stand to be alone with her rotten attitude some days. She should definitely keep her mouth shut some days. But, she’s married. And on those days, those unattractive, ugly heart days, Robert is there. A lot of the time, he’s taking the brunt of whatever problem Emily is having. But he’s there. Day after day, he’s there. Even the ugly days. Even the less-than-ideal days. And you know what he’s doing? He’s loving her. He’s patient with her. He’s helping her through it. And, while she’s pretty unlovable in those moments, he’s choosing to love her anyway.

It’s in these moments–the ones that should be ugly and not talked about–that I thank God for His plan for marriage. Because Emily, left to herself, would probably be destructive. Emily, left to herself, would probably say and do things she shouldn’t. But Emily, with Robert, has someone to show her what it means to love like Christ….to forgive like Christ…to live like Christ (Eph. 5:25-29). Emily has someone to bear with her and help her (1 Pet. 3:7). Emily doesn’t have to face this ugly, sin-filled world alone, because she has a man made in God’s image to stand by her side and protect her.

I say all of this so you’ll come away with one thing: a realistic view of marriage and how imperfectly wonderful it is. I don’t want you to go away nervous that Emily and Robert have an unhappy marriage (it is only because I am so happy and comfortable and confident in my marriage/with my husband that I can touch this subject). I don’t want you to think I’m airing dirty laundry (we’ve both already been told we’re sinful – Rom. 3:23). And I definitely don’t want you thinking Robert doesn’t treat me the way he should (it is most often the other way around, and I am so thankful he loves me and provides for me and cares for me the way he does). I just want you knowing that marriage, with all of its hard work and imperfections, is a beautiful, wonderful, worthwhile institution with God’s fingerprints all over it.

And, as a side note for my dear and precious husband…I love you. Thank you for spoiling me.