I don’t know if you’ve heard things like this, but I sure have. As a newlywed (2.5 years), I’ve been asked a gajillion (too much?) times when Robert and I are going to have children….if we’re going to have children….”are you not going to have children!?”. And while I know that, for the most part, these questions are harmless and in good taste, they’re overwhelming! Especially when, say, they’re asked the day you get back from your honeymoon.

If you’re in the same category that I am–married with no children–then you know where I’m coming from. If you are someone who is not in this category, then it is to you that I write this letter:

Dear Non-Young Married Without Kids Woman, 

I sincerely appreciate your inquisitive nature as to when my spouse and I will begin having children. No really, I do! Your questions often make me reflect on my God’s wise words found in Jeremiah 29:11–that He has plans for me. While I don’t always know those plans (who knows if we can even have kids), I do know that God has a plan for me and for my future family, and I appreciate you helping me to remember that.

While you’re set on helping me remember things, could I urge you to help me remember some other things God said? I beg, yes beg, you to go over the list in Titus 2 and help me….help me learn to love my husband in the way that I should. Teach me how to be discreet and chaste and good and obedient to my husband, and a HOMEMAKER! Wow, does our current climate hate that word! Would you please admonish me to do these things? After all, I don’t have a child yet, and so now would be the opportune time for me to be learning what it means to be a wife! And so remind me what God says in places like Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3, where I’m supposed to be submissive…which is another one of those frowned-upon words in our culture. Teach me what it means, how I can do it, and show me by your loving example. I would LOVE to see some submission in action, as it’s a pretty confusing topic for a girl who has been independent, and is now married and in submission to someone else.

Please, while you’re at it, remind me of passages like 1 Peter 3, which tell all of us women to dress modestly and discreetly. Show me by the clothes you wear, and kindly rebuke me when my ‘fashionable’ outfit doesn’t quite hit the modest mark. After all, I’m growing up in a world where sex sells and less is more when it comes to skirts and dresses and tops. And I’m married now, meaning I’m officially an adult! Teach me to act like a respectable Christian lady, urging me to grow in the knowledge of God’s word, and come off of my milk diet (Heb. 5:12-13).

And, when you have reminded me of all of these things, could you please remind your husbands to remind my husband of his roles? Far too often, we’re marrying men who aren’t respectful and who don’t know what it means to love like Christ loved the church. And while we’re trying our hardest to submit, it’s hard when our husbands aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. Teach us to be patient and chaste, and encourage your husbands to help our husbands.

Again, I do thank you for helping me see God in my current situation, and for helping me to trust Him and His timing. All I ask is that you will help me be ready for kids by helping me with the aforementioned things; because if I’m not a good wife, it’s doubtful I’ll be a good mother, or that my marriage will last through the difficult child-rearing, sleep-losing years.

Thank you again, and please continue helping me. I really do need it.

Sincerely,

Newly Married Without Kids