Over the course of the last week, I’ve had multiple people tell me that they saw me doing something. In every instance it was something good, and afterwards they remarked that I was “a good preacher’s wife.” Now, I get the sentiment and it was very sweet. Far too often people are much kinder to me than I deserve. Still, I couldn’t help but get a feeling deep in my gut that was a mixture between a face palm and a heavy sigh. Is that why people think I behave the way I do? Do they think I do nice things or say nice things or greet people or tell people I’ll pray for them simply because that’s what good preacher’s wives do? I’ll let this post answer that.

As the wife of a preacher, I realize I can’t escape these thoughts or these comments. Fair or not, justified or not, people will hold me to a different standard. I don’t mind that part. What I mind is that people think I customize my attitude and my actions around what people will think of me as ‘the preacher’s wife’. That I behave one way in public because people are watching and then a completely different way the rest of the time, either in the privacy of my own home or when I’m out by myself away from the “church context”.

The truth of the matter is this: I base my life on what God commands me. Scripture has informed me that after I obtained salvation, I gave up living for self (Romans 6:1-11). I stopped being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and am instead to make every decision around what will show Jesus as Lord of my life. After all, Colossians 3:4 says that Christ is my life. My life isn’t being a preacher’s wife. My life is Christ.

That being said, when I make decisions — when I do certain things or abstain from certain things — it isn’t because a preacher’s wife should or shouldn’t do those things. It’s because I wear Jesus’ name! I don’t want to do anything that would disgrace Him! Instead, I want all of my actions to reflect His purpose (loving, serving, saving). I want everything I say and do to be said and done in His name (Colossians 3:17). I want nothing I do to bring shame on Him or my God. And that’s in both public and private settings. In all that I do – what’s seen by men and what’s only seen by God – I want Him to be pleased.

So when people are watching, I’m going to act like Christ (or at least strive to with all of my might). When all eyes are on me as the preacher’s wife, I’m going to behave in a way that is worthy of the gospel of Christ (Philippians 1:27)… a way that people can imitate in order to be closer to Jesus (1 Cor. 11:1). But when I’m by myself, I’m still going to only do things that glorify my God. Because my entire life is Christ. And that fact dictates every action, every choice, every hard thing or time consuming thing or out-of-my-comfort-zone thing that needs to be done to please Him and fulfill the commands He’s given in Scripture.

Each of us must make choices, but none of us should make them based on who we’re around or who we’re married to. Instead, every decision should be made in light of who the Lord of our life is. If that lord is self…our actions will align more so with cultural norms and what people expect of us. But if that Lord is Christ, all of our choices become much more radical and much more thought out. Each choice will be made asking what God expects as a follower of His Son.

I know that I will not be perfect in my decisions. I know that I will fall short far more than I even think I will. Still,  I will strive to do the best that I can to please God above all, and I have to believe that if that’s my mindset and His word is my guide, I can’t go wrong.

So how will you behave when all eyes are on you? If it’s different than you would behave otherwise, reconsider why you do what you do. Things you can do in private should be things you could do in public, and vice versa, because in every place, we seek to please God. Not please men. Not fulfill a special role. Not make people think well of our family. We wear the name of Christ in every place with honor and dignity, glorifying God in all things.